Learning Moments...and my thoughts about them!

Between the ages of, O, 2 and 17, I always remember having these "learning moments", moments when I did something (or someone else did) something so entirely stupid I was embarrassed (and sometimes I would feel sick to my stomach about it). It would affect me so much I would abhor the thought of doing it again! For instance, I can remember the time when it dawned on me that I was being RUDE to Joe St. Angelo when I was younger...and I was 'enlightened' in a sheer moment of embarrassment (within which I felt sick enough to throw up, I am not sure why that would happen), then I would try my hardest NEVER to be that way again! Another time I remember I accidentally hit somebody with my coat when I was putting it on, and this other person made such a big deal out of it that everyone in the room heard and some people came over to see what happened...and I think it did hurt this person, but I always remember thinking that I would do anything I could to ignore the pain someone else had accidentally inflicted upon me! I know I don't learn from these moments I've had perfectly...but I do learn!

However, I realized something, and it has been 're'dawning on me every so often...
I don't feel like I've been having those 'learning moments' as often anymore! And I WISH I DID! I don't feel like I'm...'growing up' anymore! AND I MISS IT! Cause I KNOW...I know for SURE, that there are SO many things in life I need to learn...and I want it to be CLEAR to myself...cause without those learning moments where I felt struck on the head and my eyes all the sudden saw a bigger piece of the picture, I forget that I need to learn something, or at least forget the necessity of it!

I'm trying to 'train' myself now to be open to those possible learning moments! I want to grow, I want to be ever learning, and always growing in the grace of God! In His strength, wisdom and knowledge! I want to be well learned in Love! Well prepared for anything God would have me do! A strong and able prayer warrior!

God continue teaching me
and PLEASE...please God,
open my heart to your lessons!

Dear World.

Summer is arriving! Finally! It makes me happy to know that the sunshine is going to be here for a little while!

I painted my nails greenish the other day...I thought it was...'watery'

I read about Esther this morning...she inspires me SO much! I mean, for real, she gets to the harem (where she has to go through 'beautifying' for 12 months!) and when she gets there the 'head guy' is like "wow! this chic is awesome!" and she wins favor with him for being such an awesome person! And then she is liked by everyone! Then the KING finds favor with her (after she takes the advice of the 'headguy') and she then finds favor with him two more times when she makes him dinner (seriously, making good food will...make a king give you half of his kingdom which happens to stretch as far as ASIA?!) Plus she makes her ARCH enemy HAMAN like her! Seriously what was this girl about?!
I have a feeling she was optimistic! Open to others advice (willing to listen). Humble (I mean you have to be if you're willing to listen to other people). I have a feeling she was able to look at the bright side of things. (PLUS she probably could cook, or at least had some great hospitality skills!) Including her bravery in the face of possible death (after having the strength to fast from food and drink for 3 days!) which also speaks amazingly of her prayer life! Not to mention her ability to lead by example since she had her maidens and friends also fast and pray!

A lot to be inspired by!
I hope that God makes me into a modern day Esther :) :)

water is enchanting...i can't help it...its so...magical. :)

Isn't it funny when something can be so much MORE fun after you do some hard work first!!! :) :) I didn't even do very much...but posting this post is SO much more rewarding since I did something first (which was cleaning up my Tipi) lol! Its super hot...I wish modesty didn't exist. O well. I suffer anyway.

I SUPER LOVE being a barista when the espresso is amazing! <3 Which it was today :) :) you all should have gotten some.

but hey. what is everyone doing for devotions??? How has God encouraged you lately?! <3 let me know!!!

I need to have great abs in 2 weeks. hahahahaha
h.e.l.p!

any tips or advice?!?!

I need to have great abs in 2 weeks. hahahahaha
h.e.l.p!

any tips or advice?!?!

Today I wrote a letter to my old self...apart of myself I feel like I've lost. I wrote to that 'me' and asked how to get her back. That part of me which was consistent, naturally happy and positive, stable and steadfast...that me who seemed to be growing instead of...stuck.
Cause I feel so stuck!
Then I get a kick in the throat when I think about all the advice I give to other people who are struggling with this as well...and how I am such a sore loser...I don't take my own advice! I don't go to the source of positivity for a positive spirit! I don't go to the Prince of Joy for happiness! I don't go to the One who knows who I can be and wants to help me be that person! I feel like laughing and crying! Why don't I? Do I doubt? Do I not know that He is COMPLETELY CAPABLE of breathing me into the best person He knows I can be...THROUGH HIM! O God...please breathe me into that being...