You know, when you think about life, particularly your past and future you think about what you could have done, or what you should have done, or about what you want to do, the goals for your life. I do that all the time. When I think about my past and check this, I'm usually bummed out! Bummed out that I didn't do what I wanted to do... that whatever I did seemingly didn't esteem to much for my present. The future... oh what glorious things I shall do in the future! Surprisingly enough, this thought process started with me wanting to take ballet, your surprised, haha, well I took ballet as a kid. I could have kept going, I could have done well, but now, for my present, I don't know anything about it. Now I look to the future... I want to take ballet, wouldn't it be cool to be proficant at it? Yes! To be good at something... to be great at something! But, for my past... the future is now! Have a used my past for the now I am living in? It would seem that that is not the case! What now? Exactly! WHAT NOW?!?!?!?! Don't spend today away, cause today will soon be gone!

What now?

You got things for your future... well... whats keeping them in the future? Today will soon be your past as will your future. You got to make them come together and work for you now.
What's keeping you back?

Those things in the future... maybe they ought to be worked into todays schedule. Maybe not... but maybe... maybe!

"You desire to play, yet you don't try?"
I watched the kids play hackie sack. Why was I jealous?? Stupid. Envy is for people who don't want to be who they are.

Yeah, me. I knew a lot about a lot of little things, but nothing big... nothing spectacular. I could do a lot of small things... but I had never been great at anything.

"Yo, want to join in Callie?" I turned to Justin who was beckoning me to come play.
"No thanks man. You don't want me in there, I stink." I replied with a sarcastic laugh. It hurt my heart to say it.

Justin walked over to sit next to me on the picnic bench leaving his fellow players behind. Justin was younger than me by about two years, but a much more maturer Christian, and seemingly older most of the time. I envied him about that... GOSH, there I went again!

"You know Callie, I see you sit here everyday watching us. You're our most attentive audience."
"That's only cause the rest of your audience is now on stage." I replied. Justin nodded agreeingly.

"Yeah. Though, all of them were really really bad when they first started. Even me." Justin said rubbing his neck.

"Justin, why are we talking about hackie sack? It's a little." I searched for the right word. "Meaningless."

"Learning Hackie sac is a pretty meaningless thing, yeah, I hear ya there. But check up on this. Have you ever tried learning hackie sac?" I turned away from his question.

"You desire to play yet you don't try?" I turned away again. Justin sighed and stood up.
"Hackie sac is a small thing, but what worries me is not that you don't play it, but that you want to and havne't done anything about it, instead you just watch us." Justin said, he let his words sink in. "Think fast Callie." He threw a hackie sac to me and with a wink walked back to his buddies.

I practiced for months to learn hackie sac... I wasn't great, but I was good. But, I was never trying to become great at hackie sac. I simply knew that if I ever wanted to do anything, even if it was something as meaningless as hackie sac, I had to take the moment, I had to work hard, and if I put enough effort into it, I would be good... possibly even great.

I returned the hackie sac to Justin, but always I remembered his startling questions. "You desire to play, yet you don't try?"

That cut me deep and I never forgot it.